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ABCD's Of Conflict Avoidance

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ABCD's Of Conflict Avoidance

 

ABCD's of Conflict Avoidance

We have some simple guidelines that will help you understand how to stay safe and avoid unnecessary conflict. Using the alphabet is an easy way to help memorize these steps.

The ABCD’s of Conflict Avoidance

A = Avoid Potentially Dangerous Situations

= Be Calm/Breathe

C = Communicate With Confidence

= Don't Make The Situation Worse by Fighting

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Avoiding Potentially Dangerous Situations

Yes, it obvious, but sometimes we need simple reminders. 

What do you think are some dangerous situations that should be avoided?

Things like:

1. Busy Street

2. Construction Site

3. Vacant Lot (especially at night)

4. Rushing River

5. School/Work Bully

6. Talking with a grown-up you don’t know when your parents aren’t around

7. Dark, empty alleyways

8. Hanging around people that are ok with doing illegal activities

9. Driving when you're tired

10. Leaving the house with fire hazards on (fireplace, candle, space heater)

These are only some of many potentially dangerous situations.

When is comes to figuring out whether something could be dangerous or not, TRUST YOUR INTUITION! If your gut says this might be dangerous, then it probably is & you should avoid the situation to the best of your ability.

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Be Calm/Breathe

How many of you have ever been afraid? How many of you have ever been angry? 

When you are angry or afraid, do you think clearly? No.

When you are not thinking clearly, do you make good choices? No.

Let’s think about how we breathe when we are angry. It’s usually shallow and quick breaths. Same happens when we are afraid. When we are calm and relaxed, our breathing is slower and deeper. If you ever want to talk your way out of a bad situation, then you must calm down to be able to think clearly.

The easiest way to calm yourself down is to take slow deep breaths & try to fill your lower belly (diaphragm) instead of your chest. Your chest is where your heart is; breathing from your chest will cause your heart rate & emotions to rise. Breathing deep, belly breaths, will actually help you to calm down faster.

Let’s try it! Imagine you are angry or afraid. Stand as though your were afraid or angry & breathe short & quick. Now stop and tell yourself to relax as you breathe slowly and deeply - In through your nose, to your belly, and out through your mouth.

Remember to try this the next time you are angry or afraid & want to calm down.

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Communicate with Confidence

So why do some people get bullied & others don't? Unfortunately is has a lot to do with confidence. If you look confident, most of the time bullies won't bother you. Bullies like to pick on those who look weak and vulnerable.

What's the difference between a confident person and a timid person? Their body language & the way they communicate with others.

How does someone stand who isn’t very confident? Where are their eyes? What do they sound like when they talk? Usually they stand with their head and eyes down and shoulders drooping. They probably speak weakly.

How does someone who is confident stand? Where are their eyes? What do they sound like when they talk? Usually they stand with their shoulders back and their head up. They make eye contact and speak with a clear, strong voice.

If being confident doesn't come naturally to you, how do you become more self-assured? PRACTICE!!!

There is a scientific study that says if you stand in a superhero pose for just 5 minutes, you will feel more confident. Before you leave the house, reserve 5 minutes to do this in a mirror & say a positive affirmation on repeat. This seems silly, but the more you do it, the more confident you will become.

This will not only help you repel bullies, but also become more successful in your day to day life.

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Don't Make the Situation Worse by Fighting

Most of us have been in an argument with a friend, brother, sister, mom, or dad. Usually what happens is one person raises their voice, then the other, then pretty soon both people are yelling at each other. They almost always end up saying something that they will regret later.

Once you say something mean, you can’t un-say it.

Imagine that saying something mean is like pounding a nail into a wall. You can take the nail out (apologize), but you still leave a hole in the wall.

What are some things you can do to keep from arguing:

1. Take 10 deep breaths.

2. Walk away.

3. Try to understand their viewpoint.

4. Ask to talk to them later, after you’ve both cooled down

Taking these steps will help de-escalate the situation, get it solved fairly & ensure that it does not result in physical violence. Fighting is not the answer to problems. Talking & trying to understand is the key to settling misunderstandings & negative thinking.

 

These steps can be used in everyday life, as well as in specific scenarios -- If you get lost going to a new place, you get into a heated discussion with a co-worker, you find yourself walking alone at night. Things happen, we are all human and we make mistakes. The ABCD's of conflict avoidance can help you through mistakes so it doesn't take a turn for the worse. 

Stay safe and remember: Avoid potentially dangerous situations, be calm and breathe, communicate with confidence, and don't make things worse by fighting.

 

 


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